He had an affair for 1 1/2 year, he confessed, told me everything, and I saw that he was truly sorry. Now after almost 2 years, I just healed a little, I still feel the pain, I still want to slap the “mistress’s” face, maybe to ease the pain I’ve had after all this time.
My husband got her…
Infidelity is a common problem fanned by the media and even encouraged by them.
My friend I went through the same thing. I felt just like you, betrayed, hurt, rejected, angry to the point of wishing the very worst on the girl he was involved with but you know what, he came back to you and even confessed what he had done, which says something. You are still his special girl and you can fix things.
Firstly i want to impress on you that where women are concerned, men are weak. Women know exactly how to entice men. Men will always look at other women and some are strong enough to resist but not all can. He is not in love with this girl but in lust. He is in love with you. Im not saying what he did is right but it happened and nothing you or he can do will alter the fact.
The first thing you must do is forgive. Forgiveness isnt a feeling, its simply a choice. CHoose to do that because by choosing to do the right thing you are heading in a positive direction and also freeing yourself from the pain you feel now. Just choose to let it go and do it. Put it all behind you and realize that he is weak.
Secondly remember he has come back to you and your family. You have him, he is with you. Now keep him there. Treat him with respect and be respectful and never bring up the subject of what happened again. Tell him you forgive him for it and never want to discuss it again and leave it there. You have the upperhand here. You have HIM.
Pray for him. Pray for the work of his hands and pray that God will frustrate the plans of evil in his life. Pray for wisdom for both you and him.
Cook him special meals and treat him well. Give him a good back massage and rub him with cream. Be loving and understanding. All these things are choices!
Forget the girl she was a mistake that happened. She wont be part of your lives again! Your husband has chosen what he really wants and that is YOU.
When you show your husband respect and tell him what you respect about him, he will want to tell you he loves you. He will do loving things for you, buy you things, provide things, etc. Note it might not happen instantly but time is a great healer. He wants to gain your respect for him again.
All it takes is to choose the right attitude. Choose not to be angry. WHen you pray tell God you have been angry and sinned in your thoughts towards the lady involved and een your husband, but now you will choose to forgive her too because she was decieved and was probably as desperate as you say.
My friend life is about the choices we make. Choose the wrong things and wrong things are going to happen. Choose the right things and the right things will happen. There is no inbetween area. But choose, you must.
People will advise you to leave your husband and throw him out and all sorts of negative things, but if you really still love him then dont go that road, because God hates divorce. It is a wrong path and wrong things follow that wrong decision. We marry for better or for worse, so you had a bit of worse, but now you can make it better. One day you will also write to another person and encourage them not to give up on life.
There are two brilliant books written by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs called Love and Respect and WIld at Heart. Love and Respect is written for the wife and WIld at Heart for the husband.
Be strong and tackle this problem with maturity, integrity and dignity and diligently and you will definitely reap good benefits from it. The sweeter and nicer that you are to him, the more guilty he will feel, but assure him of your forgiveness of him.
God loves you. He created you for the good things in this world and when the bad things happen they are only sent to refine you and make you stand stronger and stronger. God grows our trees. He makes us stand firmer and firmer with every trial that comes our way until not even a tornado will uproot you, because your roots are so firmly set in the soil.
Be strong and sensible and think very carefully about what you are going to do next.
God bless you richly and your husband and your marriage and your children.
You may be able to forgive, but you will never forget, and even if you try you will never trust him again. Maybe he really is sorry and never will do it again, but like you said, he only told you because he thinks he may have an STD; bad enough he cheated on you, but without protection, putting you at risk as well? And I am a firm believer in once a cheater always a cheater. You can’t even be sure this is the first and only time. It sucks to find out someone you loved and trusted for 5 years is not the person you thought they were. I would divorce him, if I were you. Things will never be the same between you again, and you deserve to move on and be happy.
You need to learn to let go of the anger of the your husband infidelity, otherwise it is going to destroy you and your family. I am not trying to minimize your pain and anger, you are entitled to those emotions. All people go through stages of grief whether they lose someone to death or infidelity. The following web sites are three of many out there, some are very informative and reassuring.
The key to real forgiveness must involve trust. At some level you have to really believe in your heart of hearts that you can trust this person to never ever repeat such a painful choice again. If you don’t really believe that, then you aren’t really going to forgive them and the underlying resentment will eat away at whatever is left of the foundation of your relationship.
Yes, it is always very painful when you are betrayed. But keep in mind that it is your husband who betrayed you, you were married to him not to her. It was up to your husband to make the decision not to have an affair knowing that it will do nothing but hurt you. The lady coming from a poor family has nothing to do with the affair, she could have been from a rich family as well. The one you need to forgive is your husband, not her.
She’s not the one you need to be mad at, she didn’t have kids, and she wasn’t married… You need to put blame where it belongs I would have slapped his face. I’m sorry but my stance is once a cheater always a cheater..I would never go back to a man that cheated on me.. You need to take a long hard look at what you want in your life is this the man that you want a man who lied and broke his vows to you this wasn’t just a one time thing this was almost 2 yrs. he could have given you a disease or anything that is the things that you need to be thinking about! Good Luck
You should be mad at her! If she didn’t know that would be one thing but she did. She is just as much at fault as he is. Every woman that I have come in contact with that says that a single man or woman involved with a married person is not at fault because they are single say that because either they have been in that situation or would if they could. AHH that makes me mad. It does not matter if you are married or not. Stay out of a marriage unless you took the vows!!! If he was truly sorry you should forgive him. Just try to get past it and if you can’t go to counseling with him. He is also to blame but it takes two to Tango.
Your looking for someone else to blame besides the person you should be mad at…This woman has no connection to you and owes you nothing, you want to smack her but you should have smacked your husband…You will never get this out of your head, this will haunt you for the rest of your life, you’ll always be wondering…If you want to make it a go with your husband stop living in the past, get this out out of you and move on….Dwelling on this isn’t going to fix this.
your husband is to blame not the lady he had the affair with…your husband made vowes to you and broke them intentionally –
blaming the other woman does help ease the hurt but ultimately he should have resisted every other woman in the world because he chose you to marry. you have to forgive him and not waste emotion on the other woman – she didnt betray you – you’re husband did!
You keep mentioning your wrath for this woman who has nothing to do with you. If you want to blame someone, blame your husband he lied to you and disrespected you for a year and a half not her. You dont have to forgive her, she is not your problem, your husband is.
Well you can’t just blame her either. Your husband should have known better and yes she should have to but you can’t just blame her. I’m sorry for your issues their hard expecally when kids are involved but If your still having these pains and hateful feelings have you tried couples therapy? Hope everything works out for the best.