A poem,answer/comment will be appreciated?


Why is it that whenever you need me im not there?
Why is that whenever you need a shoulder to cry on im not there?
Why? Why? Why?
I hate to see you cry
Why do we live so far away?
I wish I was right there by your side.
Then you wouldn’t be able to put a fake smile on your face and the tears you hide…..
I…

Why is it that whenever
you need me ,
i am not there?
Why is that whenever
you need a shoulder to cry on,
i am not there?
Why? Why? Why?
I hate to see you cry
Why do we live so far away?
I wish I was right there
by your side.
Then you wouldn’t be able to put
a fake smile on your face
and the tears you hide…..
I despise it
when someone is rude to you.
I get so annoyed and furious.
Of course I will,
you are the dearest of all.
Physically we are far from each other,
Emotionally very close.
You were upset
and wanted someone to console you.
At the moment,
I was the only one there,
But all your expectations were a waste.
I didn’t show any sympathy,
I wasn’t of any help.
It would have been better
if you hadn’t talked to me at all.
You might not say it but I feel it.
Even though days pass by,
I still feel guilty
for not showing any sympathy or care.

(( A tender poem from a kind lady. It reaches the target,
I think, and your friend will be glad to receive it! I think
your friend is strong, and you should not suffer at all, since
he manages well, I am sure. Plus he has a smile on his face,
I think, through whatever happens. So, be happy, ok?
I welcome your writing in our section, be courageous
to submit more material, read our poems, and this
participation will improve your writing capabilities.
Your poem is sweet, simple and lovely. Thank you. G.)

I get so annoyed and furious.
Of course I go as you are the dearest of all.

But all your expectations were in vain
I didn’t show any sympathy, I wasn’t of any help.

Even though days pass by I still feel guilty
For not offering my emotional support you missed.

These are the few changes that come to my mind. the poem is just wonder full and shows your involvement & power to express.
You really have the heart of a poet. Keep it up.:)

Miss Delicate

Welcome to poetry land my friend.

The good news. Your words come straight from the heart, you mean them, they ring true, and no matter what anyone says from a poetic standpoint, they can’t take that away from you. Whomever your friend is who you think you were not there for, he or she will appreciate your poem, that, out of everything said here by anyone, is the most important thing of all.

To make this a better poem, it just requires work, editing etc. One example, the longer sentences shorten. Take out all the “Why’s” and “I’s” Make your poem into four line stanza’s, and consider the use of rhyme in like L2 and L4 of each. All what I am telling you, I learned in the last few months, and have lots more to learn, believe me.

Now, if you have yet to sent or email this to your friend, consider this though: you might want to send it just as is. Leave it alone. Those were your initial feelings, keep it that way. If you really wan to make it a poem, edit it, and send it back to poetry again as a question and see what others here think.

Great to see you here, and I hope it works out.

Bri

It’s a nice poem, but you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.. Everyone makes mistakes. It’s nice you wrote down what’s on your mind, that way you can ventilate 🙂 Very nice written, while reading it, you really get the feeling it comes straight from your heart and you mean it..

Keep writing, you’ll only get better and better 🙂

Why write about pain when your connotation indicates love? The two aren’t linked.

Did you see that appaloosa
That stole my heart in Tuscaloosa
Did you see her sprint in glory
And fly like a mariposa

Why? Why? Why? Why do we live so far away? Though emotionally very close !

Nice one….
keep writing 🙂

such a good poem you should become a writer

*Silly man makes another silly observation*

This is sooooo Floyd-ic !

http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/w…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IXdNnw99-…

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