My husband and I have been seperated for about a month now. I want to do anything in my power to win him back. He is 22 years old and I think he has just hit that phase where he wants to party, but we have a 2 year old little boy to think about. We have been together almost 4 years and never spent a night apart …
Your problem is so complicated that I can’t imagine anyone here could help you through this. First of all, quit seeking blame, not yourself, not your husband. You need professional help.
Go to your college dean of students office or the Psych department and ask about free family counseling. You need to do this immediately. The counselor will suggest ways to bring your husband to the counseling sessions, but even if he won’t go with you, GO BY YOURSELF!!!! This counseling is more for the benefit of your son. Do not deprive him of it any longer. Go get counseling. Nothing you can find here is better than that.
I’m going to worry about you until you get help. Please post back here when you have found counseling so I can stop worrying.
It’s understandable that you want to save your marriage, but in my perception here, you are being manipulative to try to get him back. You are having sex with him in a manner you haven’t done before. Why? To manipulate him. You are “willing” to do that? But you don’t say you “want” that to be your sex life wirth him, except to get him back. Manipulation. You want to show him that you don’t have any insecurities? Then get into some counseling to work on your insecurities. What have you done to work on your depression? If the answer is nothing, then this is all manipulation. This is not a game of “let’s pretend.” Talk to him! Tell him what you are feeling. You both have been doing things that have been very hurtful to each other, and that simply just sucks. Sex is not communication. It’s a slick way to avoid communicating in a situation like this. If you really want to see if you two can try to get back on track, hold off on the sex for right now, sit down together and really TALK! Agree to get into some marriage counseling, and work on this stuff until it is worked out. Otherwise if you get back together, you are going to keep repeating the issues that you have tried to sweep under the rug, and things will fall apart again. If you really want it back, get real, grow up and get the help you need.
Love yourself more, you deserve a man that will not cheat. Period! Don’t feel like you can’t change or that you can’t say no because of all the many reasons you can think of. He is manipulative and un caring if he still wants sex after he has cheated on you. He can say sorry all he wants, but their empty words. A defining moment that would prove otherwise is if he actually didn’t want anything from you except your forgiveness….but he won’t keep doing that if he wants his cake and get ice cream too. Even if you have cheated back, NO more sex!! You are in a toxic downward spiral type of situation. Americans simplify sex, but it is not simple even if its a quickie. Subconsciously there is altot that is going on between you two. Respect yourself, get a counselor. And say NO!
To answer your tag question: No, if you’re separated, you’re supposed to be APART. That’s the whole point !
The happiest people in the world are the givers – the ones who give of themselves with no expectation of getting anything back. When’s the last time you did something nice for someone – just because you can? If you’re depressed, you might think about starting there, and seeing if you can do 5 nice things for people around you every day.
You will get out of your marriage, what you put into it. Do you start your day asking yourself, “What can I do to make his day easier, make him feel wanted, loved, needed and to make him happy that he picked me to be his wife?” Does he start each day asking what he can do for you? The best marriages are those in which both people do that – they put their partner’s needs before their own. They make sacrifices, compromises, they meet in the middle and they make decisions based on what is best for THE MARRIAGE – not what is best for me. Are either of you doing that?
If you want a happy husband, make him feel like a warrior every day, like a hero slaying the dragon even if the dragon is just numbers on a spreadsheet at work. He needs to feel that way from you, his wife and the mother of his kid. You need to raise him up, and to become the woman that he is happy to come home to. Read that again: You need to become the woman that he is happy to come home to.
You know him best – and by now, you should also know exactly what to do.
Best of luck !
You’re married. It’s okay to have sex w/ your spouse. Sometimes this has a way of calming you both down to discuss your problems w/ out all of the hurt feelings.
My husband made a good rule that we should still be able to have sex even if we are currently in disagreement about something or just flat out angry with each other.
I told him, “Okay as long as you don’t think that it means I have given in to you & you understand that we still have a problem to fix.”
He agreed. I don’t know how & why it works, but problem solving was so much easier later. Maybe it’s just being tender hearted & remembering that despite the anger, I still love this person & want to make the relationship work.
But please, use communication. Tell him your fears. Admit your faults. Ask for help. Pretend it’s someone else’s problem & you two were hired to analyze & fix for them. Use those ground rules during conversation if you need to distance yourself from feelings that keep you two from connecting.
I admire you for your willingness to keep a mother & father for your child.
Relationships are hard, but they shouldn’t be that hard! There is just so much wrong with that whole description of you marriage, Ask yourself why should he come back to you if he is getting everything he wants, and still gets to live alone, he’d be a fool. so stop giving him everything he wants, until he comes home, and for goodness sakes, where’s your dignity, oh yeah he’s got it. The way you feel right now, will be how you will feel the rest of your life if you get back together, sure there will be some good times, but sorry to say, alot more bad. No one treats some one they love like that. He needs to come back to you on his own, you can’t make somebody love you. Be strong, you are young and have your whole life ahead of you.
You had better be sure that he really wants to spend the rest of his life with you or you are in for more trouble than any one any where can handle. You could have another child, which would be bad for the child if you decide not to stay together. Can you get counseling together to try to work out the problems that you seem to be having? Be very careful because sex is not the answer to your problem in the long run.
My goodness, your story sounds like mine. My husband ran off for no reason last year and our child is almost 2 also. You need to start attending church and find a girlfriend with the same situation as yours. I had to do that. My husband has been gone since last summer and we never talk, he lives with his mom. I really like a website called
It tells you how to act to get your husband back. I couldnt have survived without all of this…
I dont think you should be having sex. With that you seem like a tool or gadget that he can manipulate with a puppet. Keep the sex out of it, when he earns it back he earns it back. Don’t reward his behavior by running off and becoming a prodigal.
Take another month. See eachother on a dating basis, but you both need to go through everything that’s giving you problems. Most colleges offer free counseling (hint hint). Lose all of your exes numbers. Horrible idea anytime to contact them, bus especially now.
Do not have sex with him. He is using you. That is no way to get him back. You are just a convenience. Sex is physical. Making “Love” is what you want. Hold out for that- it’s worth it.